Category: Pet Peeves!

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Only Black Girl 02/2018

I’m naturally a very quiet person, especially at work. Is this why people feel the need to come at me with their bull****? Is it because I’m shy? Is it because I’m the only Brown person here? A combination of both? Didn’t your mother ever teach you “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? These are the questions I have after my White co-worker, who we’ll call “Bob” TRIED IT.

I woke up in one of those rare “happy for no reason” moods. I felt well rested and ready for the day. It was warm but not too hot out. The sun was shining through clouds, casting the most perfect light on my copper skin tones. I almost wanted to skip to work singing with the birds as the slightest breeze flowed through my curly fro. I looked fly, free, and was walking on sunshine. 😁

I get to work and start going about my business, laughing and chatting with some co-workers, procrastinating the morning away. I don’t even notice “Bob” in the corner watching my moves. He walks over and interrupts my pleasant conversation with someone else…

“hmm,”….. “I don’t think I really like your hair like that.” he says smiling…..

PAUSE!

Now, the problem with being the only Black woman in a majority White office is sometimes you have to tiptoe around people’s feelings rather than saying it like it is, which is your normal method of operation. You see, Bob/Becky can be as politically incorrect and downright inappropriate as they want but as a Black woman, if I want to keep my job, I have to hold back. Despite being the one insulted, I have to cater to his feelings. I can’t curse or yell at how angry it makes me that even in the 21st century my own natural hair is still seen as unattractive or unacceptable. I can’t even tear up at the fact that this man has the audacity to tell me to my face, in a place of work, that he doesn’t like my God-given hair. I have to craft a subtle response to his White privilege all to avoid being the stereotypical and universally dreaded “angry Black woman”. I wish I was braver. I wish I didn’t care. I really wish I didn’t allow people like this to ruin my day. I wish I could tell him everything wrong with what he said without risking my boss’s bad side. But, my boss already isn’t fond of the Only Black Girl and I have bills to pay. We have to choose our battles carefully…

So, lets become Becky. Like, “let me sound totally sweet while being totally rude when I should be totally minding my own damn business because, although natural Black hair gives me the uncontrollable urge to share my opinion,  you rocking a curly fro this morning has 0 impact on my life! *insert innocent giggle here*.” Sigh, 😒.

…Take a deep breath. One more. Don’t yell. Channel inner Becky….

GO!

Ending the long awkward silence and uncomfortable glaring, I smirk. “Oh really?” I shrug. “Well, it’s just my natural hair. That’s just how it grows out of my head. I mean…at least I have hair, right!?” I giggle innocently, looking up at Bob’s shiny balding crown of glory and walk back to my damn office. My job is safe….today anyway.

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Misogyny Gone Viral

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Why are so many men intimidated by any sign of strength in a woman? Does it threaten them somehow?  Do they feel like they’re losing their place in society? Is the mere idea that any woman may not NEED or WANT them infuriating? I’d really like to know because some of the things I hear men say or read in those lovely Facebook comment sections are so hateful to women thats it’s completely baffling! I mean, really…you mad?

To be perfectly honest, I have no idea where this hate comes from and it seems pointless and unfounded.  When a woman has opinions that she’s not ashamed to voice or strong convictions that make her who she is, men (not all, but many) run scared.  In fact, they not only run scared but they run, huddle in a corner together and bash her for speaking her mind! It seems that even in 2016…I repeat… in the year TWO THOUSAND AND SIXTEEN women are still preferred to be seen and not heard.  Be quiet. Mind your masculine partner. Submit…Please have SEVERAL seats!

Could someone please tell me where in the book of life it says that if a woman is independent, strong, or powerful that men become obsolete and must bring her down?  What are these men trying to protect?  From what I see it’s all based on fear.  Fear that we won’t need them, fear that we can do things better (or can’t do things better), and fear that there will be no one left for them to control if we as women take control of our lives, our wellbeing and ourselves. Let me be blunt…massage your fragile ego all by yourself because it’s not our job to do it for you. Your insecurities are showing. It’s such a shame, because women will always need men just like men will always need women. On a very basic and natural level this will always be true.  We should each lift each other up and be pillars of support for one another rather than trying to dominate or put the other in their place…and by the way that goes for men AND women.  Just like there are men who hate on women there are women who hate on men, and guess what? It’s all rubbish. Get it together.

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Only Black Girl

I walk into my job and turn the corner towards the offices, of which mine is last.

In one office I spy all my co-workers.

What is this? A meeting? No one told me…how typical.

Why does everyone look so emotional?? One is sighing with a look of perfect contentment.  Others make exclamations…”Wow…”  “How?…” “Why?…”

Has something happened? Is this a private intimate moment between friends? Has something miraculous occurred and I missed the memo?  Why am I the one always left out?

I walk closer.  Another co-worker bursts into hysterical laughter as the conversation continues in muted tones.

Perhaps this is a happy occasion.  Someone has good news?

I walk up to one of the group, a grin on my face, eager to join in the camaraderie, wondering what event impacted this weekday morning so much more than any other.

I whisper to him, “Hey, whatcha talkin about?”

He grins at me in sheer delight, “Paul McCartney :D”

……”oh”……..

*pops tongue and keeps it moving down the hall*
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Yes, We Matter…And Yes, You Do TOO

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I’ve tried, I’ve really tried to cut all you #AllLivesMatter ranters some slack out of misplaced sympathy towards your completely insensitive ignorance….I’m done now. I honestly cannot begin to understand why people are still ok with using that phrase. I’m browsing through comment sections like, honestly? This is really still a thing?? The reason why that phrase is disrespectful has been explained So Many Times I can’t count. In case you missed it:

#BlackLivesMatter was created because the Black community felt the need to state what should be obvious but clearly isn’t: that Black people matter. We are human beings the same as anyone else, citizens of this country that deserve equal treatment, opportunities and protection. We all are supposed to have these rights but when you look at our nation that is simply not the case (cop killings, media portrayals, incarceration rates). This is why people began to verbalize it, a way to say, “Hey, we matter TOO! Its about time we fixed this!” More or less when you say, “All lives matter” you’re downplaying the simple statement that Black people matter, that our lives matter. “Black Lives Matter” does not say that others don’t matter.  It’s not anti-police or anti-White.  We’re reminding the world that we matter TOO because that is easily forgotten. “All lives matter” is something said to shut us up and keep us in our place rather than raise us up. We don’t want to be raised over everyone else. We want equal treatment, and that goes for other races as well.  When Black Lives Matter gained speed I also saw a lot more publicity on Latino and especially Native American issues. This is about everybody. “Black Lives Matter” is simply a slogan started by the Black community because we were talking about problems specific to us that we’ve been struggling with for too long. But we’re not saying other races don’t have issues or don’t need raising up.  We all should be on the same level.

Now, most people get this by now but some of you guys are way behind the curve.  The even sadder part is that now  when people use it they almost say it like an attack…which is exactly what it is. “Police lives matter” also gained popularity which is arguably even more vile. We all know all police aren’t murderers and yes their lives matter…but why was the Black lives Matter movement started to begin with (refer to previous paragraph)? People were protesting largely in response to recent killings by police of unarmed Black men. Now “Police lives matter” has become a rebuttal and I have one more reason to never eat at Chik-fil-A again *sigh*. Anyway, I’m not trying to convert anyone over to the movement. I just needed to vent and I wish people would be more mindful of what they’re saying and what it really means. Do you care about Black lives? If yes, don’t say all lives matter or blue/police lives matter. If no, well, you know what THAT means and you can say what you like but I strongly advise you take a look at your life and sense of morality. That’s all.

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The N-Word

I’ve been working toward this post for a while now because this is an issue that has been haunting me for a very long time….the N-word.  I absolutely hate the N-word. I don’t think there is any excuse for anyone to use it: Black, White, Latino, Asian, any race.  It’s a word steeped in hatred, oppression, and the blood of our African-American ancestors and the fact that it prevails and thrives in our world today disgusts me.

Okay, now that being said, I can not believe people in today’s world seriously try to make the statement that it’s a term of endearment a legitimate argument.  People, it is not a FRIENDLY word; and no matter how you try to sugarcoat it or change the meaning, the true connotation and essence of it remains the same.  It’s a derogatory racial slur with a complex and painful history.  You can not just put a Band-Aid on history and make it all better.  Now, the N-word has always been a part of African-American culture; and our relationship to it is incredibly complicated.  However, the sooner we admit to ourselves that this crude language serves no purpose and is something we need to conquer, the better off we’ll be.

My other peeve is how angry some Black people get when a White person uses the word.  I’ll admit that if I hear a White person use that language I definitely have to catch myself and make a mental reminder that I don’t want to end up on a YouTube video that could get me fired….But you might see the same Black man who was ready to fight a White person for saying the N-word turn the corner five minutes later saying , “Yo, my n****” as he meets his friend.  Of course this isn’t all Black people.  I know plenty who don’t use it and kudos to them.  Its also very different when a White person says the N-word versus a Black person.  Its more hurtful because in American history this was traditionally the word they used negatively toward us.  Nevertheless, I don’t think that at all justifies there being a double standard.  More importantly, for a word that’s so hurtful when directed at us….why on earth do we then turn around and point it at each other and call it playing nice??

I also often ask myself, “Why does it seem like so many White people are okay saying it?”  I definitely think part of the reason is that Black culture permits the use of the N-word and it send a message to others that they can get away with it as well.  When we use the N-word, whether it be in our music (one of the biggest culprits in my opinion), television, websites, or just at the mall with a friend, everyone around us hears it.  We put it into the community and, whether intentional or not, other races pick it up because it becomes a part of their everyday lives as well.  We don’t live on a secluded island by ourselves. People copy what they see and as long as Black people view the N-word as acceptable (regardless of the circumstances), people are going to say it and all our complaints will be falling on deaf ears.  We may not like it, but until we get our act together as a whole, no one else will.

Other Links:

Black Websites Reveal Ordinary…

Straight Talk about the N-Word

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Let’s All Learn to Drive

Taken from Google Images

I have a confession to make…I have a touch of road rage.   It’s not as if I get mad for no reason.  Its my opinion that about 20% of people are horrible drivers, 40% are way too passive/cautious,  30% are okay, and 10% are actually very good drivers.  I think I’m somewhere in the “ok” or “very good” category.  Anyway, I felt like posting a list of all the things drivers do that drive me insane in hopes that it will 1. Make one less annoying driver and 2. Help release some of my anger so I wont yell and curse in the car as much. 🙂

  1. Drivers that think the speed limit authorizes them to go anywhere below the posted number.  If the speed limit is 45 mph, why are you going 25 mph.  I swear people who do this must have absolutely nothing important to do and are driving and wasting gas just for fun.  Speed up.  Not only is this annoying but it also can cause congestion on the roads.  I don’t know how many time I’ve seen an insanely long, slow-moving line of cars because one person up front refuses to move.
  2. Drivers that skipped the lesson about signaling in Driver’s Ed.  I actually had a friend (who did not have her license) tell me she just didn’t see the point to signals.  Signals are important.  They let us know what you’re going to do.  If we’re going 70 on a highway and you decided to suddenly slow down without signaling because your exits coming up, I may not notice right away and have to slam on my breaks or swerve around to try to avoid an accident.  If you signal, I have time to either slow down at a steady pace or  to safely switch lanes and go around you.  Signals are there for a reason.  Driving is dangerous and signals are another way for drivers to communicate and anticipate whats going on around them.
  3. Drivers that have no idea how to merge.  I hate when a person just sits there with their signal on for the longest time trying to merge into a lane.  There are perfect opportunities to merge and they just sit there holding up traffic as if they don’t see them.  If your coordination is that off maybe you need to get your eyes checked or retake some driver’s courses.  I’m not saying to rush and cause an accident, especially if it’s a busy road, but sometimes you can tell when people are being overly cautious or just can’t drive.  Please learn how to merge quickly and efficiently.
  4. Driver’s that are either way to aggressive or just take things personally for some reason.  You know the ones.  You’re driving and all of a sudden someone’s giving you the finger and you have no idea why.  People who are that aggressive just don’t need to be in the driver’s seat.  Seriously, get a grip.  I doubt anyone is intentionally trying to offend you (assuming they actually did something wrong).  We’re all just trying to get from point A to point B.  Even the best drivers make mistakes here and there, including you, so take a chill pill.
  5. Drivers that have no clue what to do at a 4-way stop sign.  Too many times I have come to a stop sign and a person either sits there when they’re supposed to move or they try to go ahead when they should stop.  At a 4-way stop sign, if you get there first you go.  You have to PAY ATTENTION and watch who arrives before and after you so you know when your turn comes.  If two cars arrive at the same time, the person to the RIGHT goes first. Please and thank you.
  6. Drivers that don’t move to the edge of the lane when making a turn.  A LOT of people do this and it makes me crazy!  When you’re turning (especially a left where you might have to wait a while) move to the edge of the lane so that the cars behind you can continue on their way.  There’s nothing more irritating than waiting in line for one person to hurry up and make their turn.
  7. Drivers that don’t stay in their lane.  Have you ever been driving on the highway and the person gets way too close for comfort, sometimes to the point you have to beep or even move?  People, stay in your lane.  Those white and yellow lines are there intentionally, in case you didn’t know.
  8. Drivers that for some reason slow down at green lights.  For the life of me I can’t understand why people do this.  GREEN MEANS GO.  YELLOW MEANS SLOW DOWN.  For some reason select people get these two confused or they’re part of the above mentioned “passive/cautious” category.  Unless there is something in your path, keep it moving.
  9. Drivers that have a conversation with another driver or a pedestrian while holding up traffic.  This happened a lot when I was in college and living on campus but I also see it here in the suburbs sometimes among the housewives that walk there dogs all day and stop everyone they know in the street to talk.  If you really must hold a conversation while in the car, at least have the decency to pull over and get out of the middle of the street.  Especially in an area where there may be a bit more traffic coming through.
  10. Last, but certainly not least, are drivers that have no clue how to park in between their two given white lines.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I’m meticulous about my parking and always make sure I’m smack dab in the middle of my space.  I don’t know why others can’t be as considerate.  It’s incredibly annoying when you’re in a packed parking lot and the only free spot is too small because someone had to overlap into the next space.  It takes two seconds to pull out again and straighten the car out.  Stop being lazy.  Or, if you’re the type of person who parks right on the line, taking up two spaces equally…Stop being a jerk.

Well, that about covers it for now.  I could probably think of plenty more things that make me crazy but 10 is a nice round number.  Hopefully, someone will read this and think twice about what they do behind the wheel.  That’s my prayer for this post!

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Check Your Attitude!

So I just really needed to vent about this real quick….I can not stand people who wake up on the wrong side of the bed and take it out on the world at large.  We’ve all met people like this.  They’re frustrated with their own lives and feel the need to make everyone else as pissed off as they are.  It’s different if it’s a child who can’t control their emotions but a grown adult should know better and be perceptive enough to realize when they’re treating others unfairly.

Now we all have days where we don’t feel 100% and we may not always notice how we treat others at those times.  Everyone has a sucky day, that’s not a big deal.  I’m talking about the people who act this way on a semi-regular basis.  I have a member of my family who’s like this and it drives me absolutely nuts!  They have a bad couple days and the whole house has to suffer for it.  Whenever you approach them they have nothing nice to say.  They bark orders at everyone and are condescending (more than usual anyway).   Even when your away from them and minding your own business its like they seek you out just trying tp push your buttons and it leaves you wondering, “What in the HELL did I ever do to you!?”.

Taken from Google Images

What’s most irritating is these people don’t even realize how much they can affect their victims (yes I was that dramatic and said VICTIMS!).  One jerk can put a damper on your whole day if the situation is right.  These people need to realize, nobody wants to be around a sourpuss.  If you’re being a completely negative person and do nothing but complain, argue, and put people down, no one is going to put up with you.  I guess the only argument here is, “What if they are going through some rough times?”.  My above mentioned family member loves to use this excuse.  Everyone goes through rough patches in their lives.  Nevertheless, if your walking round being ornery and unpleasant rather than expressing yourself in an appropriate manner, no one is going to be sympathetic towards you.  Also, the situation you’re dealing with may not be half as bad if you tried being more positive on a daily basis.  Trust me, all that negative energy isn’t helping anyone, least of all you.So, to sum it up, stop being evil and check your attitude at the door.  Quit throwing hissy fits with an innocent third-party that has nothing to do with the issue that has your panties in a twist.  People, if you can’t act like a kind and civil individual then please just stay away from the general public.  Go to your room, close the door behind you, and stay there until you can behave decently because no one wants to deal with your attitude!….or get some therapy/anger management.