Most of us have heard it all before… “I’m just not ready for a committment.”, “I’ve been hurt before.”, “Why can’t we just take things slow?”, etc. It’s never easy when that special someone doesn’t want to take that next step with you. That step could be anything from marriage to introducing you to the family, or even proclaiming an official relationship. But how can you tell when you’re just wasting your time? Should you wait, or is it time to move on?
It’s not an easy question and you may not even want to know the answer. When I had this issue I first consulted my closest friends(as most women would). The problem with doing this is that friends often care about you so much to the point that they’re overly defensive and protective of you. If you’re going to look for relationship advice from a friend, make sure its someone who can be semi-objective. Otherwise you may get my results: a never ending tirade that the guy is a jerk and you need to drop him ASAP. I made up my mind to be hard-headed, ignore my friends, and do what felt right to me. While watching Sex and The City 2 (I love Sex and the City!), the main character, Carrie Bradshaw, said something very interesting that somewhat resonated with me. She asked herself, can people on the outside truly understand what goes on between two people in an intimate relationship? In my opinion, although friends may be able to help, only you have a complete understanding of the relationship that you are in.
In the end you may have to just listen to yourself and determine what you want. If the two of you are already on the rocks then it may not be worth it to wait. You also don’t want to be the doormat that waits and begs for six years with no result. If you know that they care deeply about you and are sincere (in every aspect of their life), they might just be worth the wait….but make it clear that you can’t wait around forever.
I struggled trying to grow my hair for years. I got a relaxer when I was around 11 or 12 and my hair completely broke off. That was how I learned my hair was very sensitive. My mother put braids in my hair on and off throughout my life. Then, after the relaxer incident, we kept it in braids assuming (like most people) that it would make my hair grow. It may have recovered somewhat but we didn’t see great results. After that I started going to the hair dresser and my hair slowly got better.
Eventually I started learning enough to care for my hair on my own. Once my hair was stronger, I wanted to grow it out as long as possible. I knew it wouldn’t be easy so I started hunting around on the internet for hair care help. I was surprised to find out that a lot of what I was told about my “Black” hair was wrong. There was also a lot about caring for my hair that I simply didn’t know. So, I’ve put together some of the tips I picked up that helped my hair get stronger and start growing:
WET YOUR HAIR! This is one thing I was always told never to do. As far as I was concerned my Black hair needed to stay as far away from water as possible. Well that’s a complete falsehood. Your hair love water. Water is moisture and hair (especially Black hair) needs it badly. I wet my hair everyday now in the shower and it loves it. NOTE: wetting your hair does not mean shampooing.
Keep your hair clean. Many Black girls are told not to wash your hair often. It is true that we don’t have to wash our hair as much as others with less curly locks, but we still need to keep it clean. You should wash your hair about once a week (give or take). DO NOT do it everyday. Also, try to find a natural shampoo or do conditioner washes. Conditioners can loosen up dirt without stripping the hair the way most store-bought shampoos do. Most over the counter shampoos are very harsh on Black hair.
Moisturize your hair EVERY DAY. Black hair needs moisture. Find a moisturizer with natural ingredients. Avoid Petrolatum and silicones which are found in most hair care products.
Lightly oil your hair AFTER adding moisture to lock it in. Olive, Jojoba, Coconut are just some of the natural oils that are good for the hair.
DO NOT brush your hair when it’s wet. You can comb through it with a wide tooth comb from ends to roots to get rid of tangles. Brushing while wet weakens the hair strands by stretching them and causes split ends.
If you have split ends, cut them. They will only get worse and travel up the hair strand. Tell whoever trims your hair not to get “scissor happy”. You only need to cut 1/4-1/2 an inch every four to eight weeks or so. Some people also say 12 weeks.
Wear a silk or satin scarf to bed. If you don’t wear scarves then put plastic over your pillow case and braid up your hair so you don’t get unnecessary tangles.
Try not to flat-iron, blowdry, curl, or use any type of heat on your hair. If you must, do it sparingly.
Braid Extensions can help your hair grow but remember to still take care of your hair and moisturizer and clean your scalp while your hairs in the braids. Also, make sure they aren’t braided too tight. That can put stress on the hair strand.
Deep condition with heat and do hot oil treatments every now and then. How often you should do it depends on the condition of your hair. Some do once a week, some every other week, some once a month.
Well, like I said these are just a couple of things I’ve learned through all of my research and experimenting. There’s a world of information out there so I encourage everyone to read up if there interested in growing their hair longer!
So I recently got into watching MTV’sTeen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. I’m not big on MTV programming ever since the “music” television station ceased to have anything to do with music, but i digress… I started to watch mostly because there was nothing on tv one night, but also to see what all the former raucous was about. Even before I started watching the show I heard the bad rap about it promoting/glorifying teen pregnancy. People argued that by giving pregnant teens their own show MTV was making it seem “cool” to get knocked up. I pretty much agreed despite the fact I had never really watched the show in detail. However, after tuning in, I perceived the show very differently. Now I’m wondering if all the people who badmouth it ever watched it to begin with.
Most of the girls in the show (at least when I started watching it) deal with some real issues. Dating violence, verbal abuse, health issues and financial struggles are just a few of the obvious issues you will see in the show. All of the teens deal with different issues and have different outcomes and consequences for their actions. There are some couples like Teen Mom’s Leah and Corey who take the struggles head on and handle the stress fairly well for their age. Then there are others like Jenelle who need a reality check on what it means to be a parent. If anything the show emphasizes how teens are certainly not ready for pregnancy or parenthood.
If you want to complain about a show that glorifies teen pregnancy look no further than The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Now, let me say first off that I love the show. I’ve watched from the very beginning so I have that strange television addiction where you just have to see it out until the end. Nevertheless, there is no denying that the secret life world is majorly warped. When you watch you don’t feel bad for the actors. One girl on the show is pregnant and another is a mother. They don’t seem to have any major struggles or obstacles. They are still leading fairly normal teenage lives, and even talking about marriage constantly. It’s the furthest thing from reality.
As I said before, I like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. I also enjoy The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I’m also mature enough to know the difference between reality and television. I think the most important thing is to teach your kids what’s real and what’s not. After all, they see and hear plenty of things in the media that aren’t necessarily true.
After attending a university for a number of years, I’ve found ways to save my cash. I’ve also been just plain dumbfounded at how much students waste their money (or their parent’s in most cases). College is expensive enough. Even with financial aid and scholarships in place, paying for tuition, books, food, travel etc. is a fortune! Here’s just some random tips that might help you save a bit of money…
I’m going into my junior year and have not bought school supplies since I first arrived freshmen year. Reuse your notebooks and binders. I find so many in the garbage at the end of the year. I’ve never had a class that use up an entire notebook on notes. At the end of the year I rip out the notes from that class and I have plenty of fresh paper for the next semester. The same goes for the binders.
You should also keep EVERY book you buy for classes. Students tend to throw those out. You can resell them! Even if your school doesn’t buy them back you can sell them to other students or on amazon.com. Some schools even make Facebook groups where students can bargain amongst themselves. Someone always needs a book…sell it!
Another thing I see in the dorms (mostly freshmen dorms) is perfectly good furnishings, appliances, and other household/dorm items going in the garbage. I’ve kept everything in my dorm and intend to bring it all home with me once I graduate. The stuff you use in your dorm you can use every semester and even in your first apartment. Think long-term.
My next point (that I struggle to follow) is don’t eat out constantly. Most schools have a meal plan. If you have a fixed amount of meals per day that you already paid for then use them. Why pay for takeout when you’ve already prepaid for dinner in the cafeteria?
I also try not to buy the candy bars in the vending machines. Does anyone else notice those prices seem to get more ridiculous every year!? In my school they’re mostly 85 cents and at others I’ve heard a dollar or even two! Save yourself the trouble and go to a corner store or even Wal-Mart.
Last but not least is Carpool! Carpool! Carpool! For those students that can’t bring a car their first year, try not to take a cab everywhere. If you’re at the airport and see someone sporting your school sweatshirt, ask them how they’re getting back on campus. You may get a free ride or at least be able to split cab fare.
That’s all I can think of at the moment. I’ll add more to this post if it comes to me!