For Fourteen Years Nothing Had Changed.
Fourteen years, and it all stayed the same.
For fourteen years she had been my friend.
Through the good and the bad,
Through the tears and the laughs,
For fourteen years, I never thought it would end.
We Were Always Happy, Always joyful, Always Gay.
When I was lost and couldn’t find my way,
I knew there was no need to fray.
She’d let me know it was okay,
then she would always tell me,
“The world will go on whirling and twirling anyway. Just hold on ’til another day.”
…or something to that effect, for I didn’t listen anyway.
We Planned For The Future But Remembered The Past.
The years went by; they came then they left.
We were always happy,
Always joyful.
And the world kept on twirling.
But soon things would begin to change…
I Saw Her With That Look In Her Eyes.
I saw her look so distant.
I saw her so far gone.
Then she’d start to smile and she’d laugh at me when I’d ask her what was wrong.
Some days she was happy.
She’d be joyful, she’d be gay.
Other days she was so sad,
Depressed, seemed astray.
Sometimes she would cry.
I’d ask her why and she’d tell me a lie,
Say, “…Wasn’t important, besides, the world will go on anyway until the day I’ve died.”
…or something to that effect, for I wasn’t listening anyway.
So The Years Went By,
Some days good, some days bad.
She’d be happy, she’d be sad…but she was right.
The world kept spinning, kept whirling.
It kept on twirling.
Some More Years Went By And My Friend Was Not My Friend.
She would drown her days in sobs and cries.
I didn’t ask her why.
I didn’t listen to the cries.
She knew that I would wonder but she knew I didn’t care.
All these years, all her crying!
How could I continue to care?
but then, one day…
she took her life.
it stopped going, stopped spinning…
slowed its whirling and its twirling.
Then My World Stopped.
I wrote this poem when I was 13 years old and it mostly came out of my ongoing struggle with major depression. It was meant to be a fictional scenario from the perspective of my best friend in the event of my suicide, which at the time seemed like an inevitable future. It’s interesting to look back and see how even at such a young age, I was already struggling so much. Life is simply unfair sometimes. Suicide and mental health issues once again became a hot topic with the recent deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. Hot topics, especially those of such a sad nature, have a shelf life, and as I see the conversation begin to phase out again I ask only this…please cherish the important people in your life. Hold them close and always, ALWAYS care for them! We never know how long we may be together. I simply ask that we all challenge ourselves to Love Better.
-Risa
RISA LLANAH 