Why is Monogamy Such a Difficult Concept?

Taken from urbanmoms.ca
Taken from urbanmoms.ca

There is one thing that I have just never understood and probably never will, and that’s people who cheat on their significant other.  At times I can empathize with their situation.  For example, if they are in a bad marriage or destructive relationship, cheating can happen easily out of desperation and without thinking….but what about the people who just cheat for no good reason?  I’ve known a lot of people who cheated and it baffles me.  Why do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or even worse, a husband/wife if you have yet to learn how to keep your pants on?

If you are in a serious and committed  relationship with someone then, unless you and your partner have some other mutual understanding, you’ve made a personal choice to be with them over anyone else.  Obviously, not every relationship makes it to the alter or the 50th anniversary, but if your feelings change towards that person I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just end things rather than run around on them.  There are some who argue that they still love/like their partner so they would rather cheat than leave them.  Every time I hear that line it makes me gag.  That sounds ridiculous, you cheat because you love them?!?!  If you “loved” them enough and were in a happy and satisfying relationship, you would never risk hurting them like that and would never take a fleeting physical infatuation that far.  If you supposedly still love your partner then you need to discuss your concerns and if your needs aren’t being met you need to leave, not cheat.  I think we all know that just because you “love” someone does not mean you’re meant to be together.  I think having the urge to cheat is completely natural.  Humans are animals and of course we’re attracted to other people.  However, we’re also supposed to have more self-control and common sense than the rabbits hopping around our backyards.

Now, of course, when you’re younger (in late teens and 20s) monogamy may be a bit harder for you.  I knew plenty of people in college who cheated and I still didn’t condone it.  I mean, if you want to have fun in college by all means do so, but why not stay single and avoid hurting someone’s feelings?  Anyway, on some level I excused those transgressions because they were young and the relationships weren’t as serious…..but what about marriage?  Marriage is a completely different dynamic from an ordinary boyfriend  girlfriend relationship.  It’s a big committment and it’s definitely NOT for everyone, especially in this day and age.  Agreeing to stay committed to one person for the rest of your life is a monumental decision.  I think one big reason our divorce rates are so high is that people don’t take marriage seriously anymore.  This could also be one reason why people cheat in married relationships.  I’ve known a few people who didn’t necessarily want to be a husband/wife but for one reason or another, they’re married!  Putting yourself in situations like that just opens the door even wider to temptation.  However, the consequences of cheating in marriage are far more severe.  It could lead to an even unhappier marriage, divorce and by extension financial issues, or  have more dire consequences down the line if children are involved, not to mention the risk of STI’s and/or unwanted pregnancies.  So, why risk it?

There are a lot of different theories and speculations about why there’s so much cheating going on in our society.  Some say humans are not meant to mate for life and that its unnatural.  Others say our society has become too sex obsessed and with so much opportunity around us, infidelity is becoming the norm.  The truth is, monogamy has always been a part of human existence and so has cheating.  If you research the issue you’ll find compelling evidence that humans are meant to be unfaithful as well as evidence to the contrary.  The bottom line is humans are extremely complex creatures and no matter how we try to analyze it I think it’s all a matter of choice.  Either you choose to be committed or you don’t.  As I said, monogamy doesn’t work for everybody and that’s just fine.  You should live your life the way that best works for you and makes you happy.  If that means you’re a bachelor/bachelorette for life, more power to you.  However, if you choose to enter into a committed relationship with someone, it’s not fair to ignore the rules that come along with that attachment.  Some couples make their own rules and have open relationships, it doesn’t work for most but there are many exceptions and it seems to be becoming more common.  My point is that lying and sneaking around on your partner is flat-out wrong no matter how you try to justify it.  If you can’t handle being faithful then just stay single and spare everyone a lot of drama, pain, and heartache.

Fav Song of the Week 12/23/2012

This week is my favorite artist, Christina Aguilera. When her new album Lotus came out my expectations were not too high because I definitely think she fell short of her potential on her previous album Bionic. I was SOOO wrong. This album is pretty good and has some amazing ballads.  So far my favorite pick from this album is “Blank Page”.

Fav Song of the Week 12/09/2012

So following my last post about today’s music I’ve decided to try something out.  Since I can barely listen to the radio these days, I’ve recently reverted back to listening to different genres and artists online.  Some of the music is stuff I used to listen to and fell out of touch with, and other music and artists are totally new to me. I ‘m going to be posting a favorite song of the week, hopefully every week.  First up is Kate Voegele

What on earth is happening to MUSIC!?

Ella Fitzgerald- Taken from Google Images

I’m a 90’s baby.  I remember all the slow R&B jams on the radio and the Hip Hop tracks we’d hear on Jam’n 94.5 on the carpool to school, the Baltazar and Pebbles morning show never got old, lol.  I can remember the music my Mom would play while she cleaned the house on Saturdays: Anita Baker, Luther Vandross, Roberta Flack, Stevie Wonder…. When I got older I got into more classic forms of music.  I started listening to Ella Fitzgerald, Lena Horne, and old Motown tracks on repeat.  By the time I was knee-deep in my college career, I was all about opera; La Stupenda, Joan Sutherland, being a favorite…..

Flash Forward leaving the Classical era, speeding through the 30’s and 40’s, past the Motown phase and Cameo days, and even beyond Queen, Aerosmith, Biggie, and Destiny….what on earth is going on with music Today?!?!?!?!?!?!

I love music.  I listen to all different genres and rarely discriminate.  That being said, I don’t get where music is going these days.  I

Mariah Carey- Taken from Google Images

don’t mean to offend, but it seems to me that the popular music of this decade completely lacks any real artistry,  originality, and emotion.  I realize music changes as time goes on and often times people reject the unfamiliar.  How many times have our parents complained about what we listen to?  And how many times have we heard that our grandparents complained about what our parents listened to?…..But I’m not a parent and I’m not even close to middle-aged.  I’m young and this music is still a part of my generation, unfortunately, but for some reason I just can’t connect with it.  I turn on the radio in the morning and I hear what sounds like different versions of the same song over and over again; Rihanna or Jessie J’s vocals over a seizure inducing track of some kind of electronica mumbo jumbo with Nicki Minaj on the bridge.  Now, I can get into those kinds of songs on a Friday night when I’m on the dance floor at a club with a few drinks in my system….but 24/7??

Queen- Taken from http://www.last.fm

Thankfully it’s not all bad.  When Kanye West came out with “Otis” it was a pleasant breath of fresh air for me.  Adele has also been a Godsend during these troubling times.  Her album was constantly booming through the earphones of my iPod.  Luckily music goes through phases.  It changes all the time.  I’m just hoping (praying really) that this is a VERY short and regrettable phase in the history of music.

GOD, BRING BACK THE ARTISTS

Female Trio

Taken from Homorazzi.com

So, I was watching a rerun of the Bad Girls Club on Oxygen and one of the girls said, in reference to female relationships, that trios never work.  They always fall apart.  I think I’ve heard that before but for some reason today it really got me thinking.  How much truth is really in that statement?  It’s no secret that female relationships are difficult to maintain regardless of the number of members in the group, but is a trio really worse than the rest?  I think this might be the honest to God truth.  I mean when you think about it, it makes sense.  Three is a small odd number so its more likely someone would be left out.  Five is odd too but there are more people so I feel like there would be a greater chance of everyone feeling like they were part of the group.  Three, however, can be tough.

I’m not only trying to use logic when attempting to answer this question but also my own experiences.  I’ve been in groups of three for most of my life.  First in elementary and into junior high, then in high school and into college.  Both failed miserably but in both cases I came out with a great girlfriend that I’m still friends with today.  Both became duos for different reasons.  In the first case the girl turned out to be a thieving retch and tried to get away with stealing from me.  That had nothing to do with being part of a threesome, she just turned out to be a jerk (and that putting it lightly).   The second relationship ended because we gradually grew apart.  Not only because our personalities began conflicting as we got older, but also because I grew closer with the other girl in the group.  In comes the problem with the trio:  Two members of the group become closer causing jealousy issues and feelings of abandonment in the third member.  I really believed that played a huge part in why that relationship ended.

I’m not saying all trios are doomed (although I sat and tried to think of a group of three women that are still besties and couldn’t).  I just think they must be harder to keep together than other groups, and that stinks.  I mean its hard to find really good female friends.  If you find one you’re lucky.  You may even find a second and then your blessed, but if those two close friendships become an inseparable trio be careful!  Females are dramatic, harder to please, judgemental, and sometimes just annoying.  I’m sorry but we are.  Let’s not add any more obstacles.  If you are in a trio that’s on the rocks, it may not be your fault.  Do what you would in any rocky relationship: try not to argue over petty things and communication is key.  Honestly, if we all had better communication skills my trios may have never ended.

Let’s All Learn to Drive

Taken from Google Images

I have a confession to make…I have a touch of road rage.   It’s not as if I get mad for no reason.  Its my opinion that about 20% of people are horrible drivers, 40% are way too passive/cautious,  30% are okay, and 10% are actually very good drivers.  I think I’m somewhere in the “ok” or “very good” category.  Anyway, I felt like posting a list of all the things drivers do that drive me insane in hopes that it will 1. Make one less annoying driver and 2. Help release some of my anger so I wont yell and curse in the car as much. 🙂

  1. Drivers that think the speed limit authorizes them to go anywhere below the posted number.  If the speed limit is 45 mph, why are you going 25 mph.  I swear people who do this must have absolutely nothing important to do and are driving and wasting gas just for fun.  Speed up.  Not only is this annoying but it also can cause congestion on the roads.  I don’t know how many time I’ve seen an insanely long, slow-moving line of cars because one person up front refuses to move.
  2. Drivers that skipped the lesson about signaling in Driver’s Ed.  I actually had a friend (who did not have her license) tell me she just didn’t see the point to signals.  Signals are important.  They let us know what you’re going to do.  If we’re going 70 on a highway and you decided to suddenly slow down without signaling because your exits coming up, I may not notice right away and have to slam on my breaks or swerve around to try to avoid an accident.  If you signal, I have time to either slow down at a steady pace or  to safely switch lanes and go around you.  Signals are there for a reason.  Driving is dangerous and signals are another way for drivers to communicate and anticipate whats going on around them.
  3. Drivers that have no idea how to merge.  I hate when a person just sits there with their signal on for the longest time trying to merge into a lane.  There are perfect opportunities to merge and they just sit there holding up traffic as if they don’t see them.  If your coordination is that off maybe you need to get your eyes checked or retake some driver’s courses.  I’m not saying to rush and cause an accident, especially if it’s a busy road, but sometimes you can tell when people are being overly cautious or just can’t drive.  Please learn how to merge quickly and efficiently.
  4. Driver’s that are either way to aggressive or just take things personally for some reason.  You know the ones.  You’re driving and all of a sudden someone’s giving you the finger and you have no idea why.  People who are that aggressive just don’t need to be in the driver’s seat.  Seriously, get a grip.  I doubt anyone is intentionally trying to offend you (assuming they actually did something wrong).  We’re all just trying to get from point A to point B.  Even the best drivers make mistakes here and there, including you, so take a chill pill.
  5. Drivers that have no clue what to do at a 4-way stop sign.  Too many times I have come to a stop sign and a person either sits there when they’re supposed to move or they try to go ahead when they should stop.  At a 4-way stop sign, if you get there first you go.  You have to PAY ATTENTION and watch who arrives before and after you so you know when your turn comes.  If two cars arrive at the same time, the person to the RIGHT goes first. Please and thank you.
  6. Drivers that don’t move to the edge of the lane when making a turn.  A LOT of people do this and it makes me crazy!  When you’re turning (especially a left where you might have to wait a while) move to the edge of the lane so that the cars behind you can continue on their way.  There’s nothing more irritating than waiting in line for one person to hurry up and make their turn.
  7. Drivers that don’t stay in their lane.  Have you ever been driving on the highway and the person gets way too close for comfort, sometimes to the point you have to beep or even move?  People, stay in your lane.  Those white and yellow lines are there intentionally, in case you didn’t know.
  8. Drivers that for some reason slow down at green lights.  For the life of me I can’t understand why people do this.  GREEN MEANS GO.  YELLOW MEANS SLOW DOWN.  For some reason select people get these two confused or they’re part of the above mentioned “passive/cautious” category.  Unless there is something in your path, keep it moving.
  9. Drivers that have a conversation with another driver or a pedestrian while holding up traffic.  This happened a lot when I was in college and living on campus but I also see it here in the suburbs sometimes among the housewives that walk there dogs all day and stop everyone they know in the street to talk.  If you really must hold a conversation while in the car, at least have the decency to pull over and get out of the middle of the street.  Especially in an area where there may be a bit more traffic coming through.
  10. Last, but certainly not least, are drivers that have no clue how to park in between their two given white lines.  This is one of my biggest pet peeves.  I’m meticulous about my parking and always make sure I’m smack dab in the middle of my space.  I don’t know why others can’t be as considerate.  It’s incredibly annoying when you’re in a packed parking lot and the only free spot is too small because someone had to overlap into the next space.  It takes two seconds to pull out again and straighten the car out.  Stop being lazy.  Or, if you’re the type of person who parks right on the line, taking up two spaces equally…Stop being a jerk.

Well, that about covers it for now.  I could probably think of plenty more things that make me crazy but 10 is a nice round number.  Hopefully, someone will read this and think twice about what they do behind the wheel.  That’s my prayer for this post!

Check Your Attitude!

So I just really needed to vent about this real quick….I can not stand people who wake up on the wrong side of the bed and take it out on the world at large.  We’ve all met people like this.  They’re frustrated with their own lives and feel the need to make everyone else as pissed off as they are.  It’s different if it’s a child who can’t control their emotions but a grown adult should know better and be perceptive enough to realize when they’re treating others unfairly.

Now we all have days where we don’t feel 100% and we may not always notice how we treat others at those times.  Everyone has a sucky day, that’s not a big deal.  I’m talking about the people who act this way on a semi-regular basis.  I have a member of my family who’s like this and it drives me absolutely nuts!  They have a bad couple days and the whole house has to suffer for it.  Whenever you approach them they have nothing nice to say.  They bark orders at everyone and are condescending (more than usual anyway).   Even when your away from them and minding your own business its like they seek you out just trying tp push your buttons and it leaves you wondering, “What in the HELL did I ever do to you!?”.

Taken from Google Images

What’s most irritating is these people don’t even realize how much they can affect their victims (yes I was that dramatic and said VICTIMS!).  One jerk can put a damper on your whole day if the situation is right.  These people need to realize, nobody wants to be around a sourpuss.  If you’re being a completely negative person and do nothing but complain, argue, and put people down, no one is going to put up with you.  I guess the only argument here is, “What if they are going through some rough times?”.  My above mentioned family member loves to use this excuse.  Everyone goes through rough patches in their lives.  Nevertheless, if your walking round being ornery and unpleasant rather than expressing yourself in an appropriate manner, no one is going to be sympathetic towards you.  Also, the situation you’re dealing with may not be half as bad if you tried being more positive on a daily basis.  Trust me, all that negative energy isn’t helping anyone, least of all you.So, to sum it up, stop being evil and check your attitude at the door.  Quit throwing hissy fits with an innocent third-party that has nothing to do with the issue that has your panties in a twist.  People, if you can’t act like a kind and civil individual then please just stay away from the general public.  Go to your room, close the door behind you, and stay there until you can behave decently because no one wants to deal with your attitude!….or get some therapy/anger management.