Only Black Girl 02/2018

I’m naturally a very quiet person, especially at work. Is this why people feel the need to come at me with their bull****? Is it because I’m shy? Is it because I’m the only Brown person here? A combination of both? Didn’t your mother ever teach you “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all”? These are the questions I have after my White co-worker, who we’ll call “Bob” TRIED IT.

I woke up in one of those rare “happy for no reason” moods. I felt well rested and ready for the day. It was warm but not too hot out. The sun was shining through clouds, casting the most perfect light on my copper skin tones. I almost wanted to skip to work singing with the birds as the slightest breeze flowed through my curly fro. I looked fly, free, and was walking on sunshine. 😁

I get to work and start going about my business, laughing and chatting with some co-workers, procrastinating the morning away. I don’t even notice “Bob” in the corner watching my moves. He walks over and interrupts my pleasant conversation with someone else…

“hmm,”….. “I don’t think I really like your hair like that.” he says smiling…..


Now, the problem with being the only Black woman in a majority White office is sometimes you have to tiptoe around people’s feelings rather than saying it like it is, which is your normal method of operation. You see, Bob/Becky can be as politically incorrect and downright inappropriate as they want but as a Black woman, if I want to keep my job, I have to hold back. Despite being the one insulted, I have to cater to his feelings. I can’t curse or yell at how angry it makes me that even in the 21st century my own natural hair is still seen as unattractive or unacceptable. I can’t even tear up at the fact that this man has the audacity to tell me to my face, in a place of work, that he doesn’t like my God-given hair. I have to craft a subtle response to his White privilege all to avoid being the stereotypical and universally dreaded “angry Black woman”. I wish I was braver. I wish I didn’t care. I really wish I didn’t allow people like this to ruin my day. I wish I could tell him everything wrong with what he said without risking my boss’s bad side. But, my boss already isn’t fond of the Only Black Girl and I have bills to pay. We have to choose our battles carefully…

So, lets become Becky. Like, “let me sound totally sweet while being totally rude when I should be totally minding my own damn business because, although natural Black hair gives me the uncontrollable urge to share my opinion,  you rocking a curly fro this morning has 0 impact on my life! *insert innocent giggle here*.” Sigh, 😒.

…Take a deep breath. One more. Don’t yell. Channel inner Becky….


Ending the long awkward silence and uncomfortable glaring, I smirk. “Oh really?” I shrug. “Well, it’s just my natural hair. That’s just how it grows out of my head. I mean…at least I have hair, right!?” I giggle innocently, looking up at Bob’s shiny balding crown of glory and walk back to my damn office. My job is safe….today anyway.


I Lost My Insurance!

healthcare, obamacare, latina, hot topics, vlog, blog


I have now joined the millions of Americans without health insurance and I have a few things to say about this! WATCH above, LIKE and COMMENT.


20 Lessons I’ve Learned Since Leaving the Church


IMG_0196 My unapologetic, Black self. 2016.

I haven’t been to church in over a year now, and I’ve been pondering how I should address what I’ve discovered along the way. If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you probably could’ve never guessed that I would end up here. I never imagined that I could exist outside the Church I once held so dear. But due to the routine state-sanctioned violence that is being inflicted on my people, and the inadequate response from the church (among other things), I have decided to remove myself entirely from a system that claims to value my soul, but fails to show up for my Black body. I’ll probably end up writing a book about this one day, but in the meantime, here are 20 things I’ve learned since leaving the church:

  1. God is not a man.
  2. There is no pre-determined path called “God’s will”…

View original post 231 more words

And Isn’t It Wonderful?

Humans lost their connection to the world. Some fundamental link has all but totally disintegrated.

There was a time when man was no different from the creatures of the wood. We were exactly where we belonged, and we knew this to be true.

A tree or bush wasn’t just something to be chopped and carved to our liking, used to decorate our lawns in different patterns that all look the same.

There was a time when you could breathe deep…smell the wind. OXYGEN. The clear, God given air could fill your lungs without fumes from buildings, exhaust from pipes, or your cancer-loving neighbors secondhand smoke incessantly swirling in.

We could drink the water from the earth, and it was clean, reviving. It brought us life, not sewage and wastes. Not sugar. Not caffeine. No treatments necessary…

…it was clean. So were we.

And just to believe we created this thing called “progress”, we destroy all that is natural to replace it with something New. Because we humans are so smart, you see, we Adapt and become Advanced, more amazing day by day.

Now we dwell in roach infested apartments. Swim in chemically treated pools. Drive our air contaminating cars…what is progress, really?

We go to our toxic desk jobs that we describe as fulfilling careers to anyone who’ll listen, just so we can avoid what’s really meaningless work and scroll the twitter feed on our cell phones so we won’t notice as much, just how much, our lives are drained and sucked away. Day by endless boring day…But this is Happiness?

We all need xanax. A painkiller, or 3… 4?

This is the dream…even though we’re low key lost.

And when I sit and think of all this, How wonderful would life have been if we just stayed where we belonged?

Yeah, I’m Fat and HAPPY!

I am 270 pounds. Yup, thats right, I just broadcasted my weight to the whole world and I’m okay with it.  People think of obese and overweight people as lazy, insecure, ugly, depressed, and the list goes on and on even though thats not always the truth and it’s not always that simple.  I used to be very depressed about my image, so much so that I struggled with bulimia. It wasn’t until I stopped caring not only about what other people think but also about what I thought when I looked in the mirror that I learned how to be happy with myself, my body, and comfortable and confident in my own skin.  Once I did that it was so much easier to focus on being healthy (and I am a little bit of a health nut now) and a whole new world opened up to me….but being happy first was the key.

Many people struggling with weight issues think once they lose weight then they’ll be happy. For me it worked in reverse and it wasn’t easy, it was a lifelong journey.  Anyone who’s been overweight knows the harsh judgments of society all to well.  One of the worst criticisms, in my opinion, is that we’re lazy or don’t care about our health.  I’ve been overweight since I was a child (about 2nd grade) and the pounds slowly packed on.  You think I gained all these pounds in just a few years??? Absolutely not! If you gain an extra 10 pounds every year for 10 years that’s already 100 pounds. Now try from 8yrs old to 26. Thats almost 20 years and most of those years had gains rather than losses.  When you have a certain diet and lifestyle from childhood to adulthood, certain habits become a learned behavior and it doesn’t matter if today at this moment you’re old enough to make healthier choices. You have to unlearn those habits and re-train yourself to do something totally different from what comes naturally. That is quite a task!  What kills me is how people will say these misguided things about someone who’s overweight without knowing anything about them.  You might see a 350 pound person and think they’re lazy or pathetic.  If you’re really mean then maybe you even joke about them. But what if that person goes to the gym every day and actually just loss 50 pounds? What if they’ve been trying to get on the right track? Are they still lazy?  What if a person is very slim and “attractive” but happens to have an eating disorder? Are they healthy?  You can’t judge a book by its cover and if our society focused more on HEALTH  and not on WEIGHT, our obesity problem would probably be less severe.

For some reason around 2014 I started feeling really comfortable with what I looked like and who I was. I ate fairly healthy and was losing weight slowly but surely. This was the ONLY time period in my life (2012-2014) where I consistently maintained my weight without having to diet or exercise regularly. I had adopted a healthy lifestyle and it was starting to come naturally. Then in 2015 I decided to give the health food a rest and eat a cookie for once….which led to some cake….which led to many trips to Daddy’s Dairy, Wendy’s, Papa Gino’s and everywhere in between.  I called this my brownie cookie take-out diet (I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS).  That lovely diet lasted about 7-8 months and got me to my top weight ever, 270 pounds.  But you know what? During that whole time I never felt bad about myself. I felt a little guilty because I knew I should be eating better, but I never looked in the mirror and felt any form of worthlessness.  I  knew at that point that I would love myself no matter what I looked like.  I had learned what self-acceptance really meant and I treasured it.

I had learned to accept myself but I also accepted that at 270 pounds my body had reached its limit. Here’s where I emphasize the importance of being healthy.  I noticed the stairs seemed a bit harder lately, my knee problems had gotten worse, and of course, my clothes didn’t fit!  So I got off my Brownie Cookie Take-Out diet (jumpstarted by a green smoothie cleanse) and got back to healthy eating and I exercise when I can.  I’m now 260 and hopefully that number will continue to drop. I must say this is the healthiest I’ve felt in a long time and I can’t wait to get even better. I have no set goal and I’m not looking for specific results. Theres no pressure. I plan to listen to my body, do what feels right and most importantly, focus on overall health rather than where I tip the scale. In my opinion, Health and Happiness go hand in hand.

Misogyny Gone Viral


Why are so many men intimidated by any sign of strength in a woman? Does it threaten them somehow?  Do they feel like they’re losing their place in society? Is the mere idea that any woman may not NEED or WANT them infuriating? I’d really like to know because some of the things I hear men say or read in those lovely Facebook comment sections are so hateful to women thats it’s completely baffling! I mean, really…you mad?

To be perfectly honest, I have no idea where this hate comes from and it seems pointless and unfounded.  When a woman has opinions that she’s not ashamed to voice or strong convictions that make her who she is, men (not all, but many) run scared.  In fact, they not only run scared but they run, huddle in a corner together and bash her for speaking her mind! It seems that even in 2016…I repeat… in the year TWO THOUSAND AND SIXTEEN women are still preferred to be seen and not heard.  Be quiet. Mind your masculine partner. Submit…Please have SEVERAL seats!

Could someone please tell me where in the book of life it says that if a woman is independent, strong, or powerful that men become obsolete and must bring her down?  What are these men trying to protect?  From what I see it’s all based on fear.  Fear that we won’t need them, fear that we can do things better (or can’t do things better), and fear that there will be no one left for them to control if we as women take control of our lives, our wellbeing and ourselves. Let me be blunt…massage your fragile ego all by yourself because it’s not our job to do it for you. Your insecurities are showing. It’s such a shame, because women will always need men just like men will always need women. On a very basic and natural level this will always be true.  We should each lift each other up and be pillars of support for one another rather than trying to dominate or put the other in their place…and by the way that goes for men AND women.  Just like there are men who hate on women there are women who hate on men, and guess what? It’s all rubbish. Get it together.

Only Black Girl

I walk into my job and turn the corner towards the offices, of which mine is last.

In one office I spy all my co-workers.

What is this? A meeting? No one told me…how typical.

Why does everyone look so emotional?? One is sighing with a look of perfect contentment.  Others make exclamations…”Wow…”  “How?…” “Why?…”

Has something happened? Is this a private intimate moment between friends? Has something miraculous occurred and I missed the memo?  Why am I the one always left out?

I walk closer.  Another co-worker bursts into hysterical laughter as the conversation continues in muted tones.

Perhaps this is a happy occasion.  Someone has good news?

I walk up to one of the group, a grin on my face, eager to join in the camaraderie, wondering what event impacted this weekday morning so much more than any other.

I whisper to him, “Hey, whatcha talkin about?”

He grins at me in sheer delight, “Paul McCartney :D”


*pops tongue and keeps it moving down the hall*

Fav Song of the Week 2/16/16

Words can’t express how much I LOVE SIA.  Most of her songs have so much raw emotion and when you really listen to the lyrics (glass of wine in hand) you’ll find yourself connecting to a place deep inside yourself without even knowing how the hell you got there.  She’s becoming one of my favorite artist and, unlike Adele (who I also love), she has many upbeat and fun songs as well.  I think of Sia and I think of overcoming obstacles, all of the bad things, and finding that stable place again. That place where you’re almost happy.  This is just one of the many Sia anthems that make my playlist, “Bird Set Free”.