Why is Monogamy Such a Difficult Concept?

Taken from urbanmoms.ca
Taken from urbanmoms.ca

There is one thing that I have just never understood and probably never will, and that’s people who cheat on their significant other.  At times I can empathize with their situation.  For example, if they are in a bad marriage or destructive relationship, cheating can happen easily out of desperation and without thinking….but what about the people who just cheat for no good reason?  I’ve known a lot of people who cheated and it baffles me.  Why do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend or even worse, a husband/wife if you have yet to learn how to keep your pants on?

If you are in a serious and committed  relationship with someone then, unless you and your partner have some other mutual understanding, you’ve made a personal choice to be with them over anyone else.  Obviously, not every relationship makes it to the alter or the 50th anniversary, but if your feelings change towards that person I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just end things rather than run around on them.  There are some who argue that they still love/like their partner so they would rather cheat than leave them.  Every time I hear that line it makes me gag.  That sounds ridiculous, you cheat because you love them?!?!  If you “loved” them enough and were in a happy and satisfying relationship, you would never risk hurting them like that and would never take a fleeting physical infatuation that far.  If you supposedly still love your partner then you need to discuss your concerns and if your needs aren’t being met you need to leave, not cheat.  I think we all know that just because you “love” someone does not mean you’re meant to be together.  I think having the urge to cheat is completely natural.  Humans are animals and of course we’re attracted to other people.  However, we’re also supposed to have more self-control and common sense than the rabbits hopping around our backyards.

Now, of course, when you’re younger (in late teens and 20s) monogamy may be a bit harder for you.  I knew plenty of people in college who cheated and I still didn’t condone it.  I mean, if you want to have fun in college by all means do so, but why not stay single and avoid hurting someone’s feelings?  Anyway, on some level I excused those transgressions because they were young and the relationships weren’t as serious…..but what about marriage?  Marriage is a completely different dynamic from an ordinary boyfriend  girlfriend relationship.  It’s a big committment and it’s definitely NOT for everyone, especially in this day and age.  Agreeing to stay committed to one person for the rest of your life is a monumental decision.  I think one big reason our divorce rates are so high is that people don’t take marriage seriously anymore.  This could also be one reason why people cheat in married relationships.  I’ve known a few people who didn’t necessarily want to be a husband/wife but for one reason or another, they’re married!  Putting yourself in situations like that just opens the door even wider to temptation.  However, the consequences of cheating in marriage are far more severe.  It could lead to an even unhappier marriage, divorce and by extension financial issues, or  have more dire consequences down the line if children are involved, not to mention the risk of STI’s and/or unwanted pregnancies.  So, why risk it?

There are a lot of different theories and speculations about why there’s so much cheating going on in our society.  Some say humans are not meant to mate for life and that its unnatural.  Others say our society has become too sex obsessed and with so much opportunity around us, infidelity is becoming the norm.  The truth is, monogamy has always been a part of human existence and so has cheating.  If you research the issue you’ll find compelling evidence that humans are meant to be unfaithful as well as evidence to the contrary.  The bottom line is humans are extremely complex creatures and no matter how we try to analyze it I think it’s all a matter of choice.  Either you choose to be committed or you don’t.  As I said, monogamy doesn’t work for everybody and that’s just fine.  You should live your life the way that best works for you and makes you happy.  If that means you’re a bachelor/bachelorette for life, more power to you.  However, if you choose to enter into a committed relationship with someone, it’s not fair to ignore the rules that come along with that attachment.  Some couples make their own rules and have open relationships, it doesn’t work for most but there are many exceptions and it seems to be becoming more common.  My point is that lying and sneaking around on your partner is flat-out wrong no matter how you try to justify it.  If you can’t handle being faithful then just stay single and spare everyone a lot of drama, pain, and heartache.

Author: RisaLlanah

This is Marisa a.k.a Risa Llanah! I started this blog because I wanted to get my thoughts out (which I usually do on pen and paper but why not try the contemporary route?).I also just wanted to have some fun and pick up another hobby. Welcome to my diary...Enjoy!

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